When the three word relationship, friendship with benefit, is mentioned, it is certainly not a very simple concept. The term ‘benefit’ can vary from anything to nothing. However, in the current decade, the term ‘benefit’ means sexual benefits. The relationship of friendship where people involved can avail sexual benefit is what is called Friends with benefits. The relationship is exclusively based on the advantages, and the conditions involve are unlike common romantic relationships. The concept has become increasingly popular, however, the attraction and the benefits of the relation are actually beneficial or not is highly questionable for many researchers and psychologists (Merriam-Pigg, 2012). The entire concept has various other factors related to it that when assembled are one of the complex terms. In order to understand the concept of Friends with Benefits, this paper will discuss the concept along with other psychological factors associated with it. Along with the reason for the occurrence of this phenomenon, the report also discusses the impacts one might have for carrying out friends with benefits.
The reason for the relationship of friendship with benefits has gained popularity is often simplified to bit by saying there are no or very less commitment and responsibility. However, the simplicity of the relationship has successfully helped arising more complications. The complex emotional experience have different evaluative patterns in the relationship. The relationship is of romantic love involves two basic evaluative patterns, firstly, praiseworthiness and secondly, attractiveness (Karlsen & Træen, 2013). The praiseworthiness is the positive appraisal of personal characteristics while the attractiveness is the attractiveness to external appearance. The first pattern of the relationship is the base of the friendship and the second pattern that is to the attractiveness to external pattern is the sexual relationship. When the romantic love is considered it involves profound the two types of evaluations. However, in a genuine romantic love the relationship is mostly includes profoundly caring and a commitment for keeping up the relationship.
Friends with benefits is the relation that includes sexual relationships, friendship as well as romantic love without the commitment. Unlike the casual sexual affairs, the serious matter here is the romantic love. People do not make friends with every person, therefore friendship is not a causal relationship (Guerrero & Mongeau, 2013). Friendship lasts for a longer period than then any other acquaintance and it involves depth compared to other relationships. However, since friends refer to a less comprehensive commitment than the way it is in romantic relationship. It also needs much lesser comprehensive commitment compared to the romantic relationships. In this case, a person knows the other person which is often the factor for the getting involved in the relationship. A person van trust the other person and can rely as a friend.
When the relationship of casual sex is added with romantic time and friendship a different forms of friendship takes place that can be called “friendship plus” or Friendship with benefits. These relationships are commonly observed in people in the age group of 20 to 30. According to researches, over 50 per cent people in their 20s have had such a relationship even if it was only once. However, this form of relationship can take place in other age group as well. Young people who are not ready for any comprehensive committed relationship are the common group where this relationship prevails. Also, people in committed relationship yet do not wish to be just friends yet do not want to get committed in another comprehensive relationship Lehmiller, VanderDrift & Kelly, 2014).
In a relationship of friendship with benefits, the benefits and the friendship are typically non-exclusive recurring sexual or near to sexual activities. In this particular, the bond and the commitment in friendship accompanied with benefits are less deep than the way it is in romantic love however a bit more than casual sex. The relationship of romantic love is usually involving a same kind of relative weight when compared to friendship and the sexual component. However, the sexual components in a friends with benefit relation is the benefit that the two person gets along with other friendship benefits. Hence, it is usually after becoming friends the people get the position of being friends with benefits.
The concept of Friends with Benefits is often compared with ‘one-night-stand’. One-night-stand is a term given to a sexual relationship that lasts only for a night. This concept is not related to romantic love as well. It is one of the prime reason for people considering friends with benefits more than one-night-stand. Compared to one-night stand, sexual relationship between friends is more recurring as well as affectionate. Even though romantic relationship is not a part of romantic love it has become inevitable. According to researches, men tend to focus more on the benefit which is the sexual components whereas women tend to focus more on the friendship that is the companionship.
There is another side of the entire phenomenon, which answers the question, what makes the phenomenon highly common or widespread in recent days? The answer is that the relationship of friends with benefits is a different form of relations that has the benefit of having no condition attached. The relationship is solely based on the benefits, and the conditions involve are unlike romantic relationships. Friends with benefit is a mere friendship that involves specific commitments that are related to friendship only. There is no area of asking questions, there are no restrictions based on romantic relations, and there are no inquiries concerning the romantic relationship. The relationship has the opportunity of offering the advantage of caring friendship and sexual pleasure without the emotional turmoil and commitment usually associated with it. The disadvantages of friendship with benefit are the lack of the advantages of romantic love. In the long run, this kind of relationships is not certain. The people involved in the relationship will not hold the other person as the first priority. Often being the first priority is typically required in order to feel psychologically stable (Mogilski & Welling, 2017).
Apart from the reasons mentioned above, media has role to play. The media have been one of the source of portraying the idea in an urban fancy way. It has made the concept look like a common phenomenon. However, in argument it can be said that media only shows what it perceives from the society and the phenomenon occurring in society (Shirky, 2011).
As discussed above in brief, men and women perceive friendship with benefits in different way where one gender mostly focus on sexual components another gender focus on the friendship. The concept is no more new but has become increasingly common. The simplicity of the relationship has successfully helped arising more complications (Armstrong, Hamilton & England, 2010). On this particular aspect there have been intense researches and the emotional impact of this relation is always a topic of discussion. Many a times in public discourse, it has been suggested that sexual encounter with outside a committed romantic relationship might be a source of emotional damage in the young people (Conley et al., 2013). Even in prestigious spaces teaching is provided that explains having sexual activity outside of a marital relationship is possibly to become victim of harmful psychological consequences. Therefore, it is important to understand the psychologists’ perspective. It is not unusual in recent days to find people who have sexual partners with whom they are not in a committed relationship.
The phenomenon of friends with benefits has engendered speculation of emotional damage. As the traditional social mores sexual expression should be saved for a romantic partner and for more than a decade there have been teachings endorsing a mutual faithful monogamous relationship (Earp et al., 2013). The relationship is mostly in context of marriage which is considered as the expected standard of human sexual activity. Any sexual activity outside this particular context of marriage is likely to have destructive physical as well as psychological effects. When a person departs from these norms and teachings they may face emotional conflict, precisely the young people. It is for there can be for various reasons depending on ethnicity, race, socioeconomic status and other characteristics. In the same way, physical intimacy without any serious emotional intimacy have the tendency to make one among the two person feel used. Other related problem such as self-doubt, incapability to attract romantic partner and questioning one’s self-worth are usually take place in this these form of relationship (Dillon et al., 2013). Also, peers have reviewed studies on mental health of the people involved in non-romantic sexual activity. According to studies it is seen that people involved in casual sex can lead to greater psychological distress. Especially for a person who have never been into any sexual relationship, as it encourages thoughts regarding self-worth.
Conclusion:
The relationship involving two people in sexual relationships who are friends, however, they not emotionally involved. The people in relation do have expectations of romantic love or commitments. According to various studies, it can be both emotionally positive and negative depending on individual psychology. However although friendship with benefits is increasingly becoming popular, there is a large population of people who prefer getting involved in a committed relationship. There are many online platforms encouraging romantic relationships. The people involved in the friends with benefits are only seeking sexual relations with a known person whom they can trust as a friend without any romantic commitments. It is mostly for the young ages or merely seeking the benefits of the friendships. Various psychological reasons could also be the reason for it such as urban lifestyle, individualism, physical satisfaction. It is also, important to mention that it is a theory that often fails since people involved in a relation of benefits develop romantic love due to constant sexual encounter. Usually, it results as a relationship where one person is emotionally involved where the other is not leading to the damage to the relationship. In the end, with all the discussion it can be stated it is a social phenomenon that has been encouraged by media, and it is not a simple theory. The concept has complications involving emotions, mental stability and human feelings. Despite all the all fact, like the romantic, committed relationships, it is a real phenomenon.
References:
Armstrong, E. A., Hamilton, L., & England, P. (2010). Is hooking up bad for young women?. Contexts, 9(3), 22-27.
Conley, T. D., Ziegler, A., Moors, A. C., Matsick, J. L., & Valentine, B. (2013). A critical examination of popular assumptions about the benefits and outcomes of monogamous relationships. Personality and Social Psychology Review, 17(2), 124-141.
Dillon, G., Hussain, R., Loxton, D., & Rahman, S. (2013). Mental and physical health and intimate partner violence against women: A review of the literature. International journal of family medicine, 2013.
Earp, B. D., Sandberg, A., Savulescu, J., & Andersen, R. (2013). The case for using drugs to enhance our relationships (and our break ups). The Atlantic.
Guerrero, L. K., & Mongeau, P. A. (2013). On Becoming “More Than Friends” The Transition from Friendship to Romantic Relationship. Modern China: An Ency Hist, 175.
Karlsen, M., & Træen, B. (2013). Identifying ‘friends with benefits’ scripts among young adults in the Norwegian cultural context. Sexuality & Culture, 17(1), 83-99.
Lehmiller, J. J., VanderDrift, L. E., & Kelly, J. R. (2014). Sexual communication, satisfaction, and condom use behavior in friends with benefits and romantic partners. Journal of Sex Research, 51(1), 74-85.
Merriam-Pigg, L. K. (2012). Lovers and friends: Understanding friends with benefits relationships and those involved.
Mogilski, J. K., & Welling, L. L. (2017). Staying friends with an ex: Sex and dark personality traits predict motivations for post-relationship friendship. Personality and Individual Differences, 115, 114-119.
Shirky, C. (2011). The political power of social media: Technology, the public sphere, and political change. Foreign affairs, 28-41.
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