Relationships between siblings can present very different for many people, as all families come in all shapes and sizes. No one will think their own family is perfect and will forever wish it was a good as someone else’s without the knowledge of it not being ‘perfect’ for others.
My brother, sister and I have never really been close. My sister, Kerry is the oldest (33), my brother Ross (31) and I am fifteen. When I was five years old, my sister left the country to migrate to Australia with her husband.
I did not see much of my brother as he was a young adult and was trying to figure everything out for himself.
When I was younger they both had their own flats, therefore I only saw them when they came to visit. At the time it didn’t feel strange, however as I got older, there were times when I would have liked advice and support they weren’t there for me as generally siblings would be.
I often felt like an only child because I had older siblings, but not feeling like I had them to talk to, or confide in.
It is lonely when I realise I am the baby, I am the one who is still in school, the one who is under our mum’s roof, when they are out living their own lives own jobs own homes with their own little families. I feel on my own. It is lonely being not only the youngest but the youngest by at least 18 years.
We emigrated to Australia when I was eight I was so happy to be with Kerry again but little did I know that she wasn’t going to be around as much as I thought she would be.
She was always at work through the week then out with her friends on the weekends, yes, I still saw her but it didn’t feel like I had a sister.
My thoughts about being back in my sisters life and her living with us in Australia gave me hope the relationship would become stronger and more like a ‘normal’ sibling relationship. Yet, it also meant I left Ross in the UK, before I was able to establish any kind of relationship.
My mum, dad and I moved back to the UK when I was twelve. Again, I was separated from my sister, and my brother was still not as involved as an older brother is meant to be. When thinking about the dynamics of my family, my thoughts are drawn towards thinking the reason we’re not close, other than the age gap, is we don’t have the same dad.
Our mum remarried my dad when they were my age now. My dad therefore took on the role of stepfather to my siblings, which is a different role to the relationship my dad and I have. At the time I was too young to understand or to care, as I had my mum and dad.
Kerry and Ross’s father died when I was three. I won’t ever be able to understand their loss and my dad becoming their father figure. Yes, we have the same mum and are related and share the same blood it just isn’t the same, my sister, Kerry and my brother Ross have been involved in my life since I was born but we didn’t grow up together like normal brothers and sisters.
Having never lived together I didn’t have the usual bonding relationship that younger siblings have with older siblings. I realise that they are still my siblings and they love me, but I can’t help but feel distant. Looking back I don’t think I could have done anything different and I don’t think it would’ve changed the outcome.
At times throughout my childhood I thought it was my fault and that I had done something wrong. However, as I got older because society has perceived ideas with regards to the ‘normal’ family composition and therefore does not allow anything out with that perception. I realised there was nothing anyone could have done and that’s the way it is.
When my siblings were children their interests and hobbies were based on going out to play on their bikes and the neighbourhood expected all the kids to be doing the same. Today, the influence of social media and the fact that every one of my age has mobile phones, laptops, xboxs which provide our entertainment nowadays tends to isolate us to our bedrooms I don’t often interact with any of the family and I am often my own. Whereas siblings would tend to share a room and that interaction would be ‘normal’ I think.
I am almost always compared to my brother or sister; whether it’s in a positive or negative way I still feel judged. Everyone advises me to do better than them. I sometimes feel under pressure to do well, but resent references to my siblings and their achievements. The expectation of being the youngest would generally give me some leeway however it doesn’t work with the age gap, I feel I missed out!
By being the last born there is an expectation to succeed, with my parents wanting me to do well in school and life in general. Both my parents returned to higher education and completed academic degrees therefore there expectations of me rose in comparison to my siblings.
Society when my siblings were my age had certain ideals that some students would aspire to university, generally middle class families. Working class families didn’t have that pressure, yet my parents changed that perception by returning to higher education. I am now encouraged to achieve higher education
Families are not ‘perfect’. We all love each other and have to accept this is the way it is. My siblings and I might never be as close as I had hoped but at some point we will be orphans together and experiencing the same feelings of loss and change. My siblings love me, it’s difficult at times and different, or not seen as perfect but no one’s family is.
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