Steve Maraboli once said, I promise you nothing is as chaotic as it seems. Nothing is worth diminishing your health. Nothing is worth poisoning yourself into stress, anxiety, and fear. It was when I was at a young age when I began to realize my stress. I was a competitive cheerleader, that was all I would do. I always had to be perfect and give everyone my all or we, as a team could not succeeded. On top of being at cheer practice 6 days a week and, missing countless days of school for competitions, became a lot of physical and emotional stress.
Being up all night trying to meet due dates, getting broken bones and, never having a break. I never really wated television as a child, went to the zoo, or even had family dinner because I was so dedicated to one thing, that turned my mental health into something bad. As my plate continues to grow as I do, I tend to put other people’s feelings before mine.
I used to think that I was so great, successful and happy. I was a happy little girl once. Until one day I was not so happy anymore. I used to cry myself to sleep, lock myself up in my room, and would not even hangout with my friends anymore. My school grades went down just like I did. I thought that I was going to break.
Everyone noticed my life changes, but no one really thought deep into it, until one day.
One day, I had a panic attack at dinner, in front of so many people. Due to the fact that I use to get bullied, I try to be perfect so no one would have anything to say about me. I found out that pleasing others, did not please me. I came to the conclusion with myself, I am not who I want to be anymore. It consumed my teenage years, locked away in my room, putting on sad songs, crying and not socializing. I thought to myself why, and how did all of this even start?Making everyone happy, and trying to hide it from everyone was a huge problem that I never learned. I thought that it was okay to take on countless responsibilities at a young age. I used to get A’s, but for a while those A’s turned into B’s, which sometimes would turn into C’s for a while. I had to wake up and realize that I cannot let the little things like that affect my life. As I had school, work and my family life, I had a lot of things to take care of in such little time.
What exactly is stress? As Melissa Roberts says in her novel, ” The Everything Guide to Stress Management”. She said, ” Stress is a psychological reaction to pressure placed on an individual by external or internal sources.” What I do not understand is how someone who had a great life at home, was so stressed out? I ask myself this even today. I was so happy before all the responsibilities and expectations I thought I had to live up to. Now, I just feel like I am always doing something wrong. I take medication now, to help control my emotions as my doctor would say. I now feel uncomfortable in my own skin. My stress made me really depressed and sad. Why can I not control it on my own? I feel like every time I start to thrive, something bad always happens. Every step I take, I always go backwards two more steps. I turned my stress, worrying and depression into a power holder and I do not know how to stop it. I have tried, to not let little things that use to affect me impact my life to the extreme that it used to. I try my hardest to do what makes me happy, but I still have this feeling I need to please other people more than I need to please myself. I am not quite sure I like this feeling, being InControl of my life, but not being able to take control.
I still take on countless responsibilities, because if not, am I letting those people down? I wish I could locate the source of all my issues, but I just can’t. I have learned that I have to live with it, and start embracing my stress, and not to let anything affect me that I cannot personally control. When my father found out that I was depressed, he shared this quote with me that I always go back to when I am feeling down. In the movie rocky it quotes: Let me tell you something you already know. The world ain’t all sunshine and rainbows. It’s a very mean and nasty place and I don’t care how tough you are it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it.
You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain’t about how hard ya hit. It’s about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward. How much you can take and keep moving forward. That’s how winning is done!With that being said, I would like to say that, we need to find the source of our happiness and never let it go. We can do amazing things in life if we start to take it one by one. I am a lot happier now that I have realized that. Although, I do have my sad days and I cannot do anything right, I have more good days than bad days and that is what really matters. From my own experience, I have decided to make my career go along with what really hurt me when I was growing up. I decided to help people, I would like to be a therapist and try to help more people understand life and help them finish there fight.
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